once I wanted to be the Greatest

"but something has coloured the world"

last Friday: lied to my boss ("my mom's in hospital" - the worst kind of lie) to sleep in and be in a skate video. you know how people say, or maybe by people I meant Chuck Palahniuk, well whoever it was- "do one thing every day that scares you" - yes, fuck yes. motto of the month, probably. as Izzy pointed out, the adrenaline made our hands shake. I loved these moments best - when we could see the cars, menacing metal machines, all lined up with headlights blinking just a stone's throw away, and then the traffic light turns red and Qi An or whoever it was shouts go go go! and everybody slams their boards down onto the asphalt and start skating down the slope, past the ERP gantry. first I was terrified of the traffic, then the speed, then the possibility of crashing into someone else and then another and then another, consequently starting a giant clusterfuck of grazed knees and broken limbs. did not happen. left in the middle of the shoot to go for The Specials. it made me feel all warm inside, like watching grandfathers I could pretend were mine, playing songs I never thought I would have the honour of experiencing live. we took turns confiding that the wait to see such legendary gentlemen made us feel like crying, I tried to counter the crying paddles by fanning myself obsessively. it was a sultry night, humid as death and we were surrounded by sweaty skinheads and drunk english men singing along too loudly. but it was amazing. especially prior to the encore, when the sky stepped over to the dark side and the wind started to wrestle with the giant backdrop banner. like the weather from Coventry finally got the memo and decided to drop by. had a harrowingly embarrassing bus ride home, endlessly teased by a massive group of old skinheads who burst into applause when I, confused and stunned like a cat in a bakery oven, turned around and shook someone's hand to introduce myself. after a while they got bored and I spent the rest of the ride seething in my seat, wishing that I could have danced to Ghost Town, but alas.

April Fool's was spent turning everyone into unsuspecting Nicki Minaj fans.

I hate that I never write anymore and then I forget everything because life has been very very interesting and very very strange lately

"i never told you but it was very difficult dealing with your version of escapism when we were younger. i think you just view things very differently from most people."

"why do you seem like a different person, like you learnt something new and you're practising it or something like that it makes me feel a little strange when you say stuff like "people problems" like you're different from the rest of us"

I think I will start collecting other people's raw honest opinions about myself

- half-assed job applications
- Spain-Catalonia conflict and history
- a revived interest in animation, especially in sophisticated storytelling, eg. Waking Life, Chico y Rita
- Misfits and Masterchef Australia withdrawal symptoms
- weltschmerz and ways to depart from physicality
- quatre fromage pizzas, lemon and passionfruit-chocolate macarons
- the changing meaning of Syawal
- Jeff Noon and feather-shaped hallucinogens
- the opposite of fair-weather friends
- late afternoon release/post midnight restraint
- dreading dreading dreading going back to work, it's just not what it used to be

love it when a random stranger makes my day without even knowing so. I'm sitting here outside the library with my laptop and this nerdy gamer kid comes up to me and goes, "hey I need to win this contest on facebook will you please like my comment?" and then he proceeds to navigate me to the page where the contest thread is and goes, "I MUST WIN! oh those two other guys who entered are my friends but please don't like their comments because I MUST WIN."

overheard an exorcism yesterday night after eating ramly burgers. exciting times.